Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
