honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
