You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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