I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
