I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
