We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
