he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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