You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
