her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
