i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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