i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
why is half of my head shaved?
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