i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
