but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
