I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
