Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
