Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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