Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
