forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize