Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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