Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
