Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
