I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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