I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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