So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
