Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
