my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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