shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
