How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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