Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
