If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
