My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You can't just leave with hair like that
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
