remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
