you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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