i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
