if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
