apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I want to be your penis for a week.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
