Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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