When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
