Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
