Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
