if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
