please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My dick has a subreddit
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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