Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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