I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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