ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
