ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
