Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i will never coherently bang her
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
