Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
