No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How does it feel to date your dad?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I know her cup size but not her name....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
