woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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