I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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