I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
