So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
