Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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