you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
