my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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