Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
