Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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