I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
