I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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