Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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