come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
