she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
