What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
