dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think my moral compass just broke
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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