Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
