they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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