Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
