I just saw a hot homeless man
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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