I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
