Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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