So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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