Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
